It's funny how the more you mature, the faster time seems to fly....
A full day is 24 hours. To a child that must seem like a whole week; yet for teenagers who are quickly becoming adults, it just seems too short to do much of anything. With that perspective in mind, it really narrows down how long we have to live even though humans have a particularly long life span in comparison to other creatures. I remember when I had my old dA account at 14 years old just a few weeks before freshman year started and all I could think to myself was "How did I make it here?" and "Where did my childhood go?" and stuff like that. I think that period of time threw me into a shock where I realized just how terrified I actually was of adulthood and then for the next maybe 2 and a half years of my life, I dressed and acted like an 8-year-old little girl. I basically tried to avoid maturity for more than half of my high school life.
Now I'm a senior. My 18th birthday is a little less than a month and a half away and graduation follows that in just a few weeks. Yet, I'm still just as terrified about growing up. I'm only 17 and it feels like I'm having a midlife crisis.
...But I think I can handle it better now than I could've as a freshman. I think that maybe when I was trying to act childish, I matured a bit without realizing it. I guess I just needed to give childish me a little more time to thrive before I could prepare for adulthood; and while it's pretty obvious that the only logical thing to do about the time constraints of life expectancy is to just make the most of it, I think I can understand it better now than before and how exactly to execute the solution my own way.
This doesn't mean I want to stop being sweet and innocent and childlike. Obviously I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, but I'm smart enough to understand that there are situations such as job interviews and college counseling where immature behavior is unacceptable. However I've seen adults who are sophisticated and also sweet and adorable at the same time. Who says that adulthood requires giving up any childlike innocence that you possess? I just can't act like a child in mature situations. Quite frankly that's a logical bargain if you ask me.
I'm more than certain that I'm not the only one who feels overwhelmed by this whole growing up thing. There are people who don't fully mature until well after they're 18 and they get whiplash too when it happens. But that doesn't mean I'm saying that I've completely matured. I've still got a little over a month left before I'm a legal adult so saying that I've matured completely by now would just make me look like an idiot who takes herself way too seriously. But obviously I have matured a bit because that's basically the central focus of this journal entry. This doesn't mean that I've stopped being Bunny, I've just become a more sophisticated Bunny. In fact, I don't think I'll be parting with the persona of Bunny for a long time. An old friend of mine nicknamed me Bunny because of my innocence in comparison to the rest of my friends and adulthood will never change that.
It's frightening to say the least, but I know I'm not alone and even though my plans and dreams for my future are a bit cluttered, that doesn't mean they won't come true.